Growing up in the US when I was younger was a strange experience. I often found myself in the middle of my thoughts alone because I never really knew what was going on. My parents speak to us in Mandarin Chinese, so while I knew English from being around outside and watching TV, I usually didn’t really know many specifics of what people were saying to me when I went to school or when we had school assignments..I would pretty much write stuff that I thought would kind of make sense, I probably got it from TV or a random book, I usually didn’t know what it meant, and it would turn out to be good, great..or good enough I guess..I’ve done well enough so far!
A big part of what ended up happening when I felt fearful and uncertain was I would just do everything my older brother did. If he was going to have this teacher in 2nd grade, I was going to have that same teacher in 2nd grade. If he was going to learn piano when he was 4, I was going to learn piano when I turned 4. If he thought nintendo was awesome, I was going to think nintendo was awesome. If he was going to become a break dancer, I was going to become a break dancer. And it went on for a long time..I mean even today I attend a college right next to his college..now that I think of it (although they’re very different colleges). A lot of the time too we were just raised in the same environment which gave rise to similar interests, but I felt more safe doing whatever he did. Or it seemed like thats what I’m supposed to do.
One time our school hosted a haunted house event, and my brother and two of his friends were with us and the four of us went in together. At the end, there were three doors and we had to choose to go through one of them to exit. My brother and his two other friends beelined for the door straight in front of them (“middle door!!”), and I was stopped by this cowgirl telling me there could only be three people in one door at once. And I felt so lost at that point! I remember thinking “But I’m WITH them!” but I was more intimidated that now little me who didn’t speak much English didn’t know what was going on had to do something and make a decision on my own now. I picked the left door and walked through where I was greeted by a nice lady and an alien, who handed me this huge bag of treats saying “Congratulations! You picked the right door!!” and I was kind of still not understanding what was going on (there was a “right” door?) but accepted the bag and walked through, and when I met up with my brother and his friends they were like “Whaaaatt? No fair!”
If you buy into the belief systems of those around you, you’ll get the life that the people around you have.
I can’t remember when I first heard about this concept, but it really changed me. It can sound scary and delusional to say I’m going to do things my way, and truthfully oftentimes it can be delusional and turn worse. We can take paths that lead us further from who we are by changing our beliefs – because come on when it’s all open and you’re rejecting a belief system chances are you could go further from alignment or you could be perpetuating that same belief system even if the exterior trappings are different. The best way to put it is to listen to how you feel. I honestly feel scared wits to do that sometimes, but remembering the times I have it’s gone so well, and it’s when I haven’t that things tend to downward spiral. At certain points in my life (and I keep swinging in and out of it at this point) I will keep coming to a point where I’m like “I don’t care what others think anymore, not because I don’t care or it doesn’t/can’t bother me because I’m wayyy too confident and bulletproof for that, but because my desire for the manifestation of the next greatest vision I have of myself is kicking in way stronger than what others are doing/saying and what others think.”
It’s powerful, and it’s not just something you can forcefully throw upon yourself. It’s something that develops as a desire, and the more I pay attention to how I feel and how my desires are cooking up within me, the less resistance and the less “time” it takes. It really starts here though. Some people ask me how do you care about how you feel? And I kept asking myself that question a few months back, and it’s pretty much impossible when you care about the manifestation more because oftentimes caring about the manifestation is caring about what others think about you. But I’ve been getting the hang of it, and this has been the key for me this time: the desire for your dream life, the next greatest vision you’ve ever had for yourself, is more desirous and desirable than having others think see and speak well of you.