Competing to Win and Ambition

I had this realization when playing badminton today. I swear if you want to get to know yourself better and have your own ongoing revealing personal development program, play badminton. It is amazing. It lets you know what’s going on in your life based on how you’re playing. I did this talk with another great badminton player about all the wonderful things that happened in our lives from badminton, including being able to see a lot about what is going on personally. It’s not just that you get to see things, you get to apply all these principles you have maybe just read or heard about in a safe context – a badminton match.

Today, I asked to play singles with an extremely well-trained player in badminton. I always have a philosophy to play really strong badminton, however one thing I noticed was my drive to win has been completely absent. I just sought to always play my best game, but since I haven’t been competing, I just didn’t have a drive to win. I had a drive to do well and exercise, but not this strong focus on every shot being engineered for my success.

The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine who is a full-time photographer. I interact with a lot of photographers, and I always have this little jealousy – I know it’s hard and a lot of work to be a full time photographer who is not only doing wedding photos, but oh I so wish I pursued my artistic passion as my career path as well! Aside from telling me I’ll be doing it soon, he told me the most important factor is your ambition. And I was like – oh right! Of course!

I somehow have forgotten about this little (BIG) thing called ambition since leaving a lot of my thought-so dreams. Many dreams that were cancelled from the separation I experienced, or from the jobs I worked not turning out to be positive experiences. It’s not that I completely gave up on them, they just kind of went on backburner mode as I frantically tried to support OPDs – other people’s dreams.

And along with my dreams being quiet was the part of me who is a truly competitive, ambitious badminton player. That ambition to always win regardless of what goes on on the other side of the court and regardless of the end result – that’s the ambition you need in every single match. The opponent may tell you things but you’re fully focused on yourself and your own game. He or she may do something funny but you’re completely focused on yourself and your own game. ALL 100% of your energy is on yourself and what you’re doing – the shots you’re placing, the game you’re playing, the player you’re being. Maybe it’s because I’m not at that high, professional competitive level, but I venture to say that focus on yourself all you need as a “game plan strategy” in badminton, no matter what your opponent is doing. Because experience and intuitive awareness from matches will build the strategy. And sometimes I find strategy not reliable. I was taught so much strategy – if the person is tall do this, short do that, strong do this, stout do that. What a waste of time and energy now that I look back, compared to just placing all of your focus and energy on your own game. Of course it helps and you can win with it, but what’s the point of strategy if you’re not a powerful player already, filled with your own vision and your own ambition and drive to win.

So what happened in my game, I played better than I have in the past 8 years. Maybe in my entire career. With zero training and spares singles games. And I had this realization like what if I approached my entire life in this way? I’ve been knowing I’ve been wasting time regretting some decisions, and trying to forget about that regret. But dropping it and moving on hasn’t shown me to be the answer either. What if I became devoted to my spiritual discipline and practice with this level of ambition? What if no matter what I have to do tomorrow in my job, like it or not, that I just focused on myself anyways? I can see that being a challenge with person after person to interact with in an office situation, but hey – what works in badminton works in real life.

Who do I choose to be then? And what would be different – what would I choose to be different in my life if I apply this?

I’ve been recently coming to a lot of lessons on letting go of pride and choosing to be courageous in that – more posts to come on that.


Expressing My Separation

Alright, it’s time for me to write my truth bomb post. The stuff I didn’t want to share for a while, but now I’m at the point where I’m to share it all. About my separation. On Valentine’s Day.

It’s actually Lunar New Year, and I’ve been preparing for a few things. For my season with the girls badminton team starting soon, for my New Years Resolutions (because Lunar New Year is more of a New Year than the Gregorian New Year), for a new vision boarding experience. But also, I’ve been preparing for my return to Truth, and my preparation to release this story from my psyche.

To say goodbye to this archetype of living, so that I may finally move on. Not to say that I’ve been hung up on it, but now it’s time to get to the grit and grime of it all, and express what I’ve been holding back.

It really shocks me when I think about how many people go through divorce and separations, because that really should be an experience that just brings everyone to return to Healing, Personal Development, Truth, God and the Divine energy. But I guess that’s not the way of most people.

For me, it is. I spent my entire life wanting to be in a happy relationship. I know it’s silly for me to say that since I’m young, but I honestly even remember being three years old, sitting on the lap of Ronald McDonald, thinking someday I will have a less scary looking guy than Ronald McDonald to be my boyfriend, and I was going to love it.

I got engaged when I was twenty. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, going to Italy, with my open wounds ready to heal, healing them in less than two months and creating a beautiful relationship. Similar to what I’m doing now – revealing to myself the archetypal stories I needed to release, and through the power of forgiveness, truly healing. It was a true miracle. My entire perception of life shifted. I saw how we are truly all one. It was what the near death experience recounts sound like, except I didn’t almost die, I just worked on personal development and continuously day after day invoked a higher energy field to come into my experience. I met my soul, and I experienced the presence of God, after an entire life of knowing religion was crazy.

Then, I went back to forgetting. I went back to old ways. My mind felt entitled to this unquestioned premise: You create your own reality.

Sounds fine for the most part, as most personal development books are teaching this. But you actually don’t create your own reality. If you did, you could literally think of pink sealions dancing in full scuba diving gear on the clouds, and it would actually happen (cit. Bug Free Mind Books). No, you don’t create your own reality, and it’s not because of “free will.”

Unfortunately, it took me a year of pain inflicted upon myself and ex partner, then another two years of learning in work to better understand this.

I knew from the moment that we met that my ex partner and I were not lifetime partners. We were certainly soul/wound mates, and I met him at a time where I was very close to my truth, which is why I knew from the first moment that we wouldn’t be able to be together as lifetime partners.

It is with the need to forgive myself that I write here and express that I thought I could play my own cards, because I believed so strongly that “you create your own reality,” that I had free will choice. That even though my intuition said, “this person is a great partner for you, but he will not be the one you can develop your life with,” I responded with, “that’s not up to you, that’s up to me, because it’s my life and I have free will choice to create my own reality.”

We were truly happy together for the first two years, but when I graduated from college and it came time for us to be married, there were so many problems that “needed to be solved” before we could get married. It became the four year engagement, then further, and I grew increasingly unhappy and depressed.

I write with a heavy heart, though truly, I am grateful for the separating, because it was using forceful free will to hold together a commitment that was never meant to be to made to start with, and the truth was going to happen no matter what, just a matter of time.

Sometimes (all the time), it’s not about your perseverance, or creating your own reality. Sometimes (all the time), it’s about the truth you’re able to accept about yourself.

Upon separating, my life changed a lot. Still with open wounds, I was offered a management position at a tech startup company in sales that opened my eyes so much to how much I had held myself back from being with this person. I had always been able to do all this – I just was never able to access these opportunities. I realized that I had been artificially holding myself to a life that was not mine, for the sake of being with my ex partner.

The career piece was actually happening, but at the same time, there’s something related to it that I’m still discovering right now; something that I know when I truly heal this wound I will better understand. Which is part of why I’m writing this, knowing that after repeating a couple of things in career as well, it’s time for me to be broken open and really see what patterns I’ve been choosing to create.

Somewhere in the middle of my most recent career experience, I realized that I’ve not been able to fully let go of what happened. Aside from not having committed to a new relationship, it has affected my career choices which have been sent to me as my “lessons” as well. So long as I don’t forgive, I will be aligned to and can only attract the work situations that trigger the wound within.

It’s actually beautiful, the way it is set up. It is set up for us to be responsible for our forgiveness, for our holding on or releasing, so that we can choose to be who we are. To be who we know ourselves deep down to be.

So as I continue to allow myself to express, let me pray deeply each evening, asking God for forgiveness, for grace, for love, with complete detachment of the outcome it will bring me.

I’m actually doing a lot better, and I’m really grateful for this opportunity to write about this experience. I’ve been fine, 2017 was the most beautiful year of my life so far. I just didn’t get to really create my greatest, grandest dreams because of this lack of expression. And now with this expression, and a conscious decision to be letting these stories release into the past, I’m eager to see where I’ll be next.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Happy Valentine’s Day ❤

Staying True to You

Going deeply into so many recent experiences has been such an adventure. I’ve noticed the way my paradigms continuously require to update to make sense and order of an otherwise chaotic world. Possibly just a domain of the mind, and not necessary for self-actualisation and self-realisation; however it does make you good with words around it. 😉

Experiencing a separation from a relationship a year ago now, my greatest lesson has been how easily we can ascribe responsibility to things outside of us, and that this won’t do. This really won’t do. The level of personal responsibility I’ve been coming to understand has been very mind-opening. It allows me to see Law of Attraction on a completely different level, much deeper than I had ever understood it before.

More than ever before, I’ve seen how so many “problems” are created from situations where we have not fully taken 100% responsibility – putting something or someone else above ourselves.

People like to talk about how you have to put yourself first, oxygen mask analogy, yes sure. I think the question isn’t do we accept that to be true (because most people now do), but to what extent we deliver on that. To what degree do we fully stay true to ourselves, always. Yes, always. Literally, any time we put ANYTHING above us, in my case, making my relationship experience more important than my own inner experience, puts us into trouble where we have to let go of that sooner or later.

What I’ve received from this understanding is that we’re much more creative and filled with things to share than we realize. We’re unable to realize it when we don’t claim enough responsibility. As an example, I stopped playing music for 6 years, even though when I was in high school, my dream was to become an artist someday. I basically felt like I was okay, as long as I was with my partner. My emotional expression became dependent on the ability to volley them with someone else, or simply to express them to – sometimes unfortunately at – someone else.

When I came back to Taiwan, I looked through a lot of my things from high school, and I found stacks – literally stacks – of music. I was surprised at how much music I had learned and how determined I was to become a professional singer songwriter someday. I had rewritten lyrics to songs and written a few originals, all in this portfolio book I carefully polished and printed on special paper. It was endearing to see, and what was most eye-opening was how this all disappeared since moving off to college.

I’ve picked up my music again, so much that my fingers have developed calluses in a matter of days. What’s amazing is I still remember so much of it, and I’m more passionate than ever to create even more deeply than I ever have before in my life.

Here’s a recent creation 🙂

If I could make my stage bigger today and I could speak louder and have more people hear anything at all, it would be to take control of your life and make your own decisions from thinking for yourself. Think for yourself. Think deeply. Even if that means you spin, sometimes negatively, think. Think for yourself so that you know what’s you and what’s not you. So that you stay 100% true to yourself. It’s never worth it to go down anything that isn’t fully true to yourself.

Someday, maybe I’ll create that stage. That will allow me to know I did what I came here for. And of course, thank you to whoever is here already today to read this.



Catt xx

A Guide to Self-Connection Once More

Hi everyone! I felt really called lately to spend a lot more time inside. I remember one of the core difficulties when I started my last relationship was not realizing that all the stuff I had done while I was by myself I had just stopped doing, and then I was wondering why I couldn’t feel me so much anymore.

It’s so easy to forget because it’s not something we can easily compare and contrast aside from benchmarking our feelings. In the awareness we’re at, that’s where we are.

Only when I’m connected with myself however, does the flow happen.

So I wrote thoughts out on this sitting at a cafe today and decided to write a more thorough version before going to bed today.

We all start on the same journey. A distracting world. Old pieces from past lives we’re still seeking to get. Total free will choice in thoughts to think. At any point in the journey, we can choose to be reborn. Sometimes literally reborn into a new body, sometimes just a conscious decision Rinascersi, to reborn oneself. At any point.

So here we start, mostly by ourselves either because we’re newborns, or because we’ve tired out the life we had before, that way that wasn’t working. So nothing to do, and lack of interest in the world around us. And first thing we notice is this little ball of light inside of us – we find this little delightful ball of light, and it feels so good to play with! We love it! It’s sparkly, it’s tingly and joyful. and as we match this, we find that suddenly, new things from the space around me begins to take place to match it. How exciting! Lots of excitement and happiness goes on as we discover the manifested world around us to match the energy of this little ball of light!

Then we have people to interact with. Fun stuff. Now others we used to interact with are asking us about what we’re doing. So more fun stuff! Now, the number of moving parts are increasing, as we have more and more delightful things to take our attention. And then that little ball of light..we’ve somehow slightly forgotten. Even though here and there every day we get to experience it, we certainly aren’t spending as much time as we are at the start.

Suddenly, it’s not that fun anymore. The moving parts begin to tire us out. The people we interact with sometimes are there, sometimes aren’t there. We think it’s them at first. We start blaming the people, then blaming the moving parts. Then we remember we are creators, so what happened? What’s going on? Why does it not feel as sparkly and tingly anymore?

And the little ball of light is always in the same place. It waits. Happily. Joyously. With its sparkle and tingle. Just love. No matter how far we deviate, no matter how long we deviate. It just sits there. And waits with zero judgment, and full trust and knowing of your eventual return to show you the expanded new pieces it has for you now.

Whenever you’re ready.



Ending Regrets In Life and Start Living

Hi everyone, it’s Catt here. This article is longer than usual, but I wanted to share something very personal today that has been going on for me lately and has really moved me emotionally. I’ve recently been up to a lot of things – some are amazing like with coaching and working with photographers, and some are quite stressful like moving to another country. Anyways in this blogpost, I’m sharing something personal about a topic that had always been foreign to me: Regret. I intend to share my experiences with regret, and to get you awake if you’re someone who lives with regrets – if you are someone who does, please read this well, and please send this post to anyone who lives with regret, as it may change their life.


A few years ago I experienced a really bad relationship with a guy I met in college. We were really close friends before and during our relationship, and one thing I remember he always wanted to know was how I had no regrets in life. I had gone through some pretty tough stuff, and I honestly had zero regrets for everything that had ever happened to me. I heard my mom complaining about regrets, I had heard my dad warning me about regrets constantly, but it was the one thing that never rubbed off onto me. I lived with zero regrets, even with the harsh consequences that came with some of my choices.

The guy I was with at the time, let’s call him Alec, would always ask me: How can you have no regrets? Don’t you wish certain things hadn’t happened? And I would respond in total confusion – why would I wish something I chose didn’t happen? Regret simply was not part of my mental vocabulary – it couldn’t even be defined in my life.

We sometimes would go into more detail. I’d ask him what he would regret. He said that sometimes he didn’t study enough and ended up getting grades that weren’t so good, but it would just happen because he just wanted to work on his music more, as it was more interesting than studying. And I said then why would you regret it if you want to work on music more? If you are more drawn towards your music and you ended up choosing to do that instead of studying, why would you regret? If you know you want better grades, you just have to choose to put off some of your music production. Why do you need to regret anything?

Sometimes, Alec would tell me during the times he hurt me “I really don’t know how you can not regret anything, I regret many things in my past, and the list just seems to get longer every day.” Even when Alec hurt me, I could feel terrible, but I never regretted what I chose, because I understood clearly my motivations for choosing exactly what I did, and if I had to change something, I knew where to look.

Well, lately I’ve experienced some regret for the first time in my life.

I experience some regret with getting such a nice car that it’s hard to figure out what to do with it if I’m moving countries. I’ve been experiencing regret to do with working for a company that I felt totally against. I’ve been experiencing regret when I think back on some of the difficult situations I was in, where people I was living with were in critical conditions and I was required to “help out,” only to realize they were using my “help” to not face what was going on.

I couldn’t understand this for the longest time. I had gone through much, much worse situations than these before I experienced my incredible miracle and I thought I would be able to handle these relatively smaller issues. But I felt restless, and I didn’t even recognize that I had been experiencing regret until lately with working on moving. What I’ve uncovered is that in each of the cases I experience regret, for myself at least and the way I experience life, is that they all came when I didn’t make my own decisions and chose to listen to someone else I felt knew more about the situation to deal with.

“Trust your instincts. Your mistakes might as well be your own.” – Billy Wilder

Never have I ever experienced my mistakes not being my own, and for me, it’s absolutely excruciating. In the large scheme of things, it’s fine – I’ve stopped working for something I don’t believe in, I don’t live with “people who need help” anymore, and it’s really just stuff when it comes to things like my car. But the experience of having to live with someone else’s mistakes (even if they come from good judgment), that these consequences stem from following what someone else recommended that I need to be or do, I am absolutely unable to feel empowered and a part of me just “wishes I didn’t do that particular thing.”

In the past while I was in middle school up to college, I had fiercely made all my decision for myself, and it was fantastic, even when it wasn’t. I was so rebellious and felt so strong in my decisions that even if they turned out poorly, at least I would be the one to deal with them. I never felt regret because I knew that each mistake or “failure” I experienced would bring me more understanding, and with more understanding I could gain awareness and insight that would bring me where I desired to go. My rebellious spirit was strong, and I experienced great pain, but also great joy, and that to me is the experience we came from – we didn’t come to make half a world where everything is only good, we came to experience ALL of it.

And that’s something I want to shake the world up with. I want to remind you and myself that trying to play life safe is trying to die, because it’s trying to never live. Being motivated by the safe option is never knowing how much of life you can handle and break through to experience something incredible. In the end, for myself, the safe option became the most dangerous option because dousing my rebellious, fierce, tenacious, driven-to-succeed attitude by searching for safety ended up almost taking my life away – in fact it already has by robbing me of a whole year of trying to do what everyone else wanted of me instead of being me.


I’m glad I’ve followed some pieces, like my decision to start coaching and this whole project of working with teenagers and also moving back to my home country. If these turn out to be mistakes, I can adjust and course-correct and accept my mistakes. If what other people told me to do turn out to be mistakes, I can only live with regret of consequences in which my energy wasn’t fully in on.

If you’ve been like me lately experiencing regret and making decisions to play it safe, I invite you to accept that you have not made some of your decisions yourself, and ask yourself and ponder on the question: Who are you going to be now?

Life really is one swell ride – and it’s really just a ride – meant to be fully experienced, not hoping that things will be okay and that it’ll be a safe ride. Get the hell outside and experience your life because this is not a rehearsal, it’s not something you can say let me get everything right and then I’ll go outside and be like hey everyone, I’m great. It’s about experiencing every single emotion there is and CHOOSING who YOU WANT TO BE based on EVERYTHING you’ve experienced. Get the F*** outside so that someone else stops living your life, and you do instead so that you can actually get your life back and move it forward. You’ll always be the one who lives with your mistakes, so they might as well be your own so that you can learn and grow from them. You’ve already wasted years in not being yourself – can you really live with more?

What’s the worse that can happen? You make your own decisions that don’t work out? Well at least you know you did what you best knew at the time, and now have gained new awareness so that you can do something about it instead of feeling like this wasn’t what you thought would happen. Live! Live, live, live, and stop dying! Choose for yourself, even if that’s going to give you pain. Pain is one million times easier to handle when it comes up because you followed your own path. And it also gives you the precious jewels of awareness that allow you to get to know yourself and what your path really is.

Starting today, make a commitment to yourself that you will start making how you feel and what you want more important than anything else. Starting today, look at everything that you’re doing and evaluate your motivation for doing them – if it’s to play for safety, break the lie. Break these falsehoods. There is no safety, there is only you making your own choices and living your own life, or having someone else tell you what to do for you. Starting today, get out there and make some mistakes, feel it all, get to know what it is about the things you’re doing that will take you where you want to go. It’s all there, we’re all here, and we can all make more amazing things happen if we can learn to make decisions for ourselves.

That’s all I wanted to say today – please get out there and be you, the world needs you and the world desperately needs people to think for themselves and make up their own minds.

We can do this, one person at a time.


A Mindset Piece – Drop Worrying!

Best Christmas ornaments!

Just this week,  I went to the Milan Yonex International 2015 Badminton matches. I love watching badminton – I used to play for my high school team and yearned to train for more matches and competitions. I haven’t trained for years but still enjoy playing. I enjoyed watching the games a lot and was reminded of so many mindset pieces I acquired through looking back on my game.

One of those things that I have been thinking about lately is worrying. Worrying is probably one of the biggest things that have held me back in my life overall, and I’m betting in the lives of many, many people. Since integrating personal development into my life, I’ve seen the uselessness in worrying – although it doesn’t mean I never do it – and have experienced a period of time where I didn’t worry about anything, which allowed space for incredible changes in my life.

Worrying is completely pointless and just makes us feel bad. There are many reasons for which we worry, all which don’t make sense. Personally, I worried because I thought it meant I cared more. I also worried because I didn’t want to get caught out on things, and I worried because I believed that it strengthened my motivation and drive.

All of these things can be easily seen for what they are – pointless. Just because I worry, doesn’t mean I care more – I can care more without worrying about something. If I don’t want to get caught out on things, I will do something about them, rather than worry about them. That solves the problems (or plays the cards to attempt to solve them), worrying doesn’t! And about my motivation and drive? I would prefer that I were inspired and motivated by something positive instead of something negative, and that would produce the result I am looking for.

taken from

taken from

This beautiful infographic, borrowed from live like a grown up, illustrates the point wonderfully. It shows how worrying is completely in it’s own category pretty much, and by itself has nothing to do with anything. Take a worry you have in your mind and go through that – you’ll see that the problem can be solved without any worry.

Worrying actually creates what we do not desire to come into fruition. Because of our focus on it – whatever we focus on we pull into our lives and draw it in. So if we focus on the problem, that grows. If we focus on the solution, that grows. The solution has nothing to do with the problem, and worrying is all about the problem, so it actually doesn’t help with coming to a solution.

Photo Dec 10, 3 37 29 PM

Back to badminton, I remember when I played tournaments and I would count down the minutes until I had to step onto the court. I was always pretty confident, but inside, I worried a lot. I worried not for what others thought of me so much as would I live up to my own expectation? I worried about something going wrong, I worried about how I would play and whether I’d play my best, I worried about disappointing myself (and possibly others). The good news is once I get onto the court, I’m not worrying about things. But all that buildup and stress, all that drama and headache – and for what? Did it even help me in any way if by the time I got onto the court I dropped them all anyways? I could have just enjoyed my time.

I am reminded watching these tournaments that worrying is utterly useless. I would think – wow they’re in the finals, would they be nervous and worried? And I would imagine how they would have to wait for the moment they’re in the finals, and keep working on the outcome in their mind and through their skill. At the end of the day, the match is the match, it’s already there and done, and there will be so many more matches to come! There is no need to worry at all!

It takes a powerful consciousness to dissolve worrying. It takes focus and presence to do so, not just logically piecing things together, because that can lead to ignoring worries and trying not to worry, or even worrying about worrying. Be still with the consciousness and notice the presence in you, and take the hint from this blogpost that staying conscious will do so much more for you than worrying ever will, even if it seems like you’re not doing much!

If you would like some inspiration during the weekend, I’d like to invite you to join my list where I send a Sunday Inspiration Connection Letter every Sunday along with other tips, updates, and offers for coaching and being conscious!

Have a lovely day everyone!

Catt xx


Saying Yes


Very windy, on the top of the world in Gubbio, with the most breathtaking incredible view of this absolutely beautiful country.

Wow is all I can say about the past two weeks for me living here in Camerino, Italy. I can hardly believe that it was just two weeks ago this day that I was standing in the Rome train station, hearing everyone around me communicating in Spanish that after eight years of study I couldn’t understand (it’s because they speak Argentinean Spanish!) and thinking “what in the world have I gotten myself into??!” I feel totally embarrassed to admit this right now, given what an incredible time I’ve been having, but I was so unsure about coming here when I first got here. I even thought “Let’s just go, Catt – if it’s really not going well then I can always go back to Milan it’s not a big deal.” Wow. How ridiculous, I should have been excited beyond anything I’ve experienced since the last three years.


Our wine tasting hosted by Noe’s Robert Frifri

I am so, so grateful and thankful that I said YES, and that I have been saying yes to so many things, even if they didn’t turn out well, because it has made me say yes to this experience. I honestly did not know where this experience would take me, and I was slightly weary as the previous experiences I’ve said yes to have created some wear and tear. But I stayed open to the possibility, and said yes.

Logically, it didn’t make sense. I didn’t know anyone who had done this program, I hadn’t heard of anyone who even knew of this program, I don’t like school in general, the appearance of their website made it look like they would be winging things, they said the apartments don’t have internet, and remind me again why I was in the middle of hundreds of native Spanish+Portuguese speakers from South America? To my mind, there was every reason for me to stay in Milan and chill, use the internet, cook, and coach.

Fortunately, I’ve gotten used to not doing what others think of me, and not needing to find people to agree with me to do something. I’ve also gotten used to not following my mind pretty much any of the time. I can’t begin to talk about how incredible this experience has been so far, and feeling so grateful and scared at the same time that I’m half way through the program.

Perfumed Dreams & Gifts from Gubbio

First of all, my fiance’ told me yesterday while we were in Bologna together that my Italian has gotten better. This is incredible for me because I can already speak Italian fluently, but there were just some final bits and pieces I desired to learn and hone in on, like incorporating the subjunctive tense. Well, the four hours of lessons every day and the fact that the only common language we have is Italian (98% of people do not speak much English) has really helped to improve my Italian and really take my language to another level. Every single teacher here is a really good Italian teacher. I really mean that, and they also take turns doing guided tours on the excursions, increasing our contact with the language.

Second of all, I am much happier than I have been in a long time, thanks to this pattern interrupt. My vibe shifted, and it’s easy to see that, as this place is absolutely beautiful. Being able to live in Camerino, a quiet town nestled the mountains while going on trips almost every day all over Italy has been such a relief for me. It is truly the break I’ve desired for the past few years that I couldn’t seem to define. I love going into the churches in every single city, as they are just so beautiful and seeing the beautiful artwork reminds me to contemplate on truth. I’ve been having really amazing food as well – the pizza actually feels quite wholesome and healthy to my body here, no joke! I’ve also been back on the mat stretching every morning and evening and connecting with my body again with so much more SPACE.

Third of all, and I may leave it here for now, is the friendships. I cannot believe that two weeks ago I was like maybe I’ll just be by myself all the time, and that’s ok. A girl in my class just left because she is on the two week program, and she came to say goodbye, crying. I realized that that’s how I would feel at the end of this program too, because these people have been so fun to be around. I haven’t danced with so much joy I don’t think ever in my life until the dinner party we had this beautiful medieval castle. Karaoke nights at a delicious restaurant and dancing with everyone have just been one of the most fun and joyous experiences for me that somewhere long long ago, I’ve always desired.

Saying Yes

What I want to point out in all of this is how pleasantly surprised I am at a decision to say yes. I had been saying yes to many things, and not all of them turned out great. But you know what? They always show me something about how to relate to energy, and I get better at discerning what would be a great thing to say yes to or not as I make mistakes and grow.

Prior to meeting my fiance, I had said no to almost every boy unless he met certain requirements, or he somehow snuck past those barriers because he was very attractive or something that drew my fancy. It wasn’t until I looked at myself, what I had been experiencing and made the bold decision to say yes to ALL men who “send me an arrow,” and really open myself up to that experience did I start meeting authentic guys, and more than that, know how to carry myself and my energy in situations where I met inauthentic guys. Most people thought I got lucky, but I knew much better than that.

I’d like to encourage you to think about what you’re saying yes to and what you’re saying no to, and see what comes up. It’s truly worth it in my experience when we say yes and just keep going, even when we mess up. It’s the only way we get better at it and improve our alignment with our desires.

So what do you think is waiting for you to say yes to that you have been saying no to?

Adventures await!

San Marino

xx Catt

A Desire to Experience Italy..


I am in a beautiful amazing city right now. And in a spacious and comfortable apartment suite room. It has a window overlooking these incredible stretches of hills of green and brown patchworks and a courtyard garden full of green. And the temperature is very ambient and comfortable.

I wish more people from the US knew about this school and program, as it has been exceeding my expectations since I arrived and there are very few people from the US. It’s a school for foreigners studying Italian called Scuola Dante Alighieri, and it’s located in a beautiful historic and academic city called Camerino. It’s almost like a mix of Tuscany (located on the hills, uneven cobblestone roads, historic beautiful architecture, the rolling hills, the sunflowers) and Bologna (academic, antique, grounded). I always loved Tuscany with the terra of brown and green patchworks, and I loved Bologna because of how grounded it feels.

Can you believe cars drive down this road?

Can you believe cars drive down this road?

My phone wouldn’t let me take photos today – it kept displaying that my storage was full and glitching up, so I didn’t get to take photos of the beautiful theatre we visited today, but that’s just as well. Being back in Italy exploring new places has really brought me back to my feminine essence – the ability to experience things. As we explored the rooms of the theatre, looking at the frescoes, chandeliers, and the beautiful furniture, the elevated energy of the space really brought me back into my beingness and reminded me of how important it is (even for men) to drop into the feminine essence and experience beauty. It’s almost like I have forgotten about it since I left Italy the first time, and I am grateful to have found a piece of it again today as we explored the beautiful rooms in the theatre.

There is so much beautiful Italian culture in Camerino. Yes it’s a bit in the peripherals, it’s small, and it’s out on the edges, but it’s absolutely beautiful. Like any Italian city, there is a central Duomo – the central cathedral – that is beautiful and monumental. Every time I walk in a cathedral, even in small random cities, it puts me to my knees. There’s a theatre like I mentioned before, and a university. There are a lot of small shops and stores, and if you want a grocery store you take a bus (it’s not far, but it’s very sloped).

I’ll be writing a lot more about the program and the classes on this blog, but today we did our placement test and got some class info. I’m enrolled in the 4 week program, there are 2 week, 3 week, and 4 week options (which are on sale as of right now! See here), but basically the whole summer course includes the trips – which is incredible. One-day trips during the weekend and half-day trips during the week. The trips include guided visits to Venice, Siena, Pisa, Bologna, Rome, Florence, Assisi, San Marino, and a few other smaller cities nearby. Also, four hours of Italian lessons every day, and guided tours in Italian. I love how immersive this school is, and they really go out of their way to make for a lovely experience. I’m surprised that there are so many people from Buenos Aires and Brasil, but not the US. The other thing I love is there are people of all ages here, from young teenagers to elderly couples. What a wonderful thing it is to be able to do a study-vacation no matter what age you’re at.

Here is a photo from their website of the school building – it’s absolutely adorable and lovely:


Traveling is always such an amazing experience. It really opens you up to a new way of looking at things, if you’re available for it. If I hadn’t been so well-traveled over the years, I would never have understood how our thoughts create our reality. It was definitely my international background that helped me understand how law of attraction works in life and how different reality can be for different groups of people. It also made traveling such an adventure – what thoughts do the people here have, what is their worldview that allowed them to create things in this way? No matter what it is, whether it’s beautiful incredible Italy or exotic Bali or wherever that may not even be that breathtakingly beautiful (er, perhaps LA? Hahaha) – I am always curious to understand the mentality that leads to a particular way of life.

Learning a language also brings the same thing. It’s not just about being able to recite conjugations and memorize vocabulary. It’s a lot about energy, and integrating energy, something I work on a lot in my coaching. If you can learn to listen to and tune into the energy of expression from a particular culture of a place, learning the language is a truly incredible experience that gives credence to the tangibility of energy.


If you’re interested in an Italian Study Vacation, a break from your regular life (especially in a city), an experience of Europe – if you have a desire to study Italian and experience Italy the way I did (and maybe experience a transformation!), I highly highly HIGHLY recommend looking into Scuola Dante Alighieri in Camerino – you will have to study a lot of Italian, but it is such a joy of a language to learn. And you have the opportunity, included in your tuition, to travel to so many beautiful destinations (I’ve been to almost all of them already, but I’m probably going to go to a lot of them again!). I’ll be posting it all on Instagram – make sure you’re with me on the adventure!

I will be posting a lot more as my month unfolds. For now, I’m resting in the gratitude of being in such a beautiful country and in such a beautiful location.

Time to do my Italian homework!!



The imperative of creating your desires


Creating the life of your dreams is a must. I don’t care who you are, where you come from, how fine things are going in your life, how simple you think life is meant to be, what reasons you have as to why you can’t, I. Don’t. Care. Creating your desires is an imperative.

Maybe they’re hidden deep inside somewhere. Maybe they’re written off as impossible. Maybe you think you’re already happy. Maybe you’ve tried really hard and they just haven’t been coming to fruition. Or maybe even – you keep thinking this is it, then you keep realizing this is not after the initial high is over.

Desire is important, as desire creates Life. Experiences created from desire are completely different from experiences created from fear. I think one of the most valuable gifts there are in the world is being aware enough to understand where you’re coming from, and move yourself towards your desires.

It takes a lot of applied thought to be able the life you desire – being able to think consecutive thoughts towards the life you desire is something that everyone is faced with working on (well maybe not people like Eckhart Tolle or Byron Katie, but for most people, it’s an exercise!). I’m experiencing so much juiciness though from just recognizing when a thought is not going in the direction of my desires, and choosing another thought. Or even when I am thinking a thought that is in the direction of my desires, it feels really energizing to acknowledge it!

I’m moving from Tustin tomorrow (where I’ve been living for the past 5 months) and going back to the LA area until I go back to Italy again! So there has been a lot of driving for me in the past few days with moving all my stuff, all the while listening to personal development, which has really been a wonderful experience. I’m starting to realize the amount of airtime in our minds we give to our desires vs everything else is the key determinator of whether or not we achieve our desires and in what time frame. Being open-minded, practicing awareness, allowing what is, and being inquisitive have all been important for me in the past few days. And a lot of these thought practices have led to a natural gratitude. It’s something I wish for everyone!

When I go back to Italy mid-July, I’ll be heading down to Rome soon, because I’ll be studying Italian in Perugia at a language school for foreigners! I already speak Italian, but I think it’d be great to brush up on it, sharpen my grammar, and enjoy Perugia! I’ve only lived in Milan, so living in Perugia for a while is something I really look forward to. Also, there are weekend trips all over Italy – I’m so excited to go to the South for the first time! I’ll be sharing some wonderful photos and experiences of this here and on my instagram – so make sure you’re on my list!

It’s also my birthday on Independence day – so you can wish me a happy birthday! 😀 I’m celebrating randomly today and Friday and so forth. I think the best birthday present is having long periods of time where my thoughts are going in the direction of my desires, and without the little snafus that occurred that resulted in staying in for my birthday, I could not have the opportunity to practice this thoughts-going-in-the-same-direction game that has been massively improving my mindset in the past week (special thanks to my friend Alan for that!)

I’m also doing a lot of updates on this web space and with coaching. I’m creating some really exciting things for assisting YOU in creating your desires – so stay tuned for that, I really can’t wait to release some wonderful content for creating desires.

All this exciting stuff – and it’s not even the best of it yet!!



Photo by Wesley Chen (instagram: wecoch) at Laguna Beach 2015 (c)


Uncovering the Shadow

News & Update

Hi everyone! I’m in the process of converting my blog into a base where people can connect with me and my business…in transformational coaching! Right now, I am borrowing my blog really, because I do have a beautiful website (that will be under a different web domain..a bit confusing but hey I am too excited to wait to start! :)) that is under construction, so look out for it! I’m very grateful for my lovely team ❤ It has been a rather hectic time for me these days, but I finally feel the bits and pieces of my vision coming together, and I’m really excited about sharing more with others, helping others move through their stories and issues to embrace an authentic way of life.

Make sure you connect with me on my new facebook page and on my instagram!

New Ways of Connecting

I love dissecting ideas and coming up with deep discussions about these amazing self-discovery journeys, but like I said a while back, I’d like to be a bit more transparent and possibly come here more frequently to post to give myself some growth. I’m really going with whatever feels most natural and really more about sharing myself and my life.


One thing I’ve been really feeling vulnerable to lately is the shadow. Everyone has their shadow. I have my shadow, my family has their shadow, my man has his shadow, and so forth. Everyone does. What do I mean by shadow? It’s that part of you that’s difficult to accept. The “darker side” of you. Maybe it’s something you’ve done. Maybe it’s something you secretly do. Things that you may be ashamed of, things that people told you were bad. Things that you desperately don’t want other people to know.

Light, dark, and shadow

I think over time, things that constitute my shadow have changed. There were times in my growth where anything sexual was dark, or the horrible unnameable things that occurred were pushed down by myself. Sometimes I yell and scream in rage, and then after condemn myself harshly for them because of the downright unacceptability and inappropriateness of my harsh judgmental view, I try to resist these aspects of me.

But what you resist always persists.

I speak for myself, but recent events around me have shown that this resisting of your shadow, trying to put up a front for everyone else, can be very largely detrimental and have effects that affect much much beyond, let’s say, merely two people in a room yelling at each other. I watch how it affects our entire economy based off man-made laws that attempt to bypass the laws of the universe (which is of course, impossible).

One of my biggest coaching focuses is to embrace yourself to live authentically. The level of clarity I had in Italy taught me that nothing is worth hiding, because it just makes it come out in much more exaggerated, dramatic, “societally-acceptable,” forms later on that simply aren’t worth incapacitating yourself with. I don’t mean you go around and spread to everyone what a horrible person you are because of this or that that happened, because that would probably mean you haven’t embraced your shadow (although I did do this once, to trigger myself out of the desire to put up a front). But I do mean not being on the edge trying to make something happen for the impression others have of you. I do mean looking straight at everything you’ve done without the voices of the opinions others, without the trademarked voices of society, without your own conditioned voice, and really look at it..look. at. it. Look into it, look through it.

At the end of the day, the light is all there is, but it cannot be experienced without the dark. If only light exists, then light is merely a concept that can never be felt and experienced.

Whatever you’ve done, I accept you. Whatever I’ve done, I accept me. I am in the process myself, but we’re all on the same journey.



Photo by Andrea C.